31 Days of Breastfeeding Journeys | Day 18 | World Breastfeeding Week 2016
"My breastfeeding journey….Or should I say adventure? Where do I begin?
There I was at 29, working and in school, not thinking of being a mom. I thought my chances were gone. It had been 3 years, since I was off birth control, with a long term partner, and not actively preventing pregnancy. Only three cycles in two years. What was wrong with me? I had been to the doctor, had tests and blood work ran. Verdict? She said, “I don’t know yet, things are inconclusive. Let’s run another set of tests”. What are we testing for exactly? What are you leaning towards? Of course, I thought the worse… I thought my time to be a mommy, was no more. I had decided to put the tests off, until after the holidays and resume the quest for bad news until after the first of the year.
Holidays came and went. I was just about to schedule my tests when I started feeling symptoms of, what I thought to be, “that time of the month”. Something told me to take a pregnancy test. I thought it would be negative like all the others. Well as luck would have it, I took it, and it was positive! I was in disbelief. I took three tests total…Just to make sure! Of course, I was hesitant and my emotions were all over the place. I had just started dealing with the fact I may never be a mommy, then this new news sent me into shock. I called my doctor, and scheduled a different set of lab work this time, along with my very first ultrasound.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
My journey to motherhood was actually beginning at that point! I hadn’t told anyone yet and wanted to keep things private for a while….until I had more information from the doctor anyhow. My appointment had finally come. There I was, sitting in the waiting room of my obstetrician, and it wasn’t for the usual uncomfortable once- a- year exam. I finally got called back for our meeting and the news wasn’t all positive. My progesterone levels were low and I needed to take medication. I was told I was high risk for a miscarriage. My anxiety sky rocketed. What else could happen to me?! Anyhow, I had my ultrasound, where I saw that first heartbeat…. My world instantly flipped and my heart soared. Towards the end of my first trimester, my levels were okay and I finally shared the news.
Pregnancy was ok for me. No morning sickness or major issues after the first trimester. My body was changing rapidly and I was finally feeling like this was actually real!!! Month five rolled around and I had a doctor’s appointment. At this point, I had seen my regular doctor and two others in the practice. I was feeling like a number, not a patient at this point. I had been researching midwives, doulas, natural labor, and breastfeeding at this point. I chatted with close friends who delivered with midwives or did a natural labor. I educated myself on everything I could. I decided at five and a half months, I was switching to a midwife practice and a more natural approach to this journey.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
After calling the midwife practice, they scheduled all my appointments through a week past my due date! I felt instant relief and a bond with the women in the practice, down to the secretary! After my second appointment, I was sent for repeat bloodwork and scheduled for a 3hour glucose test. After which I started on my gestational diabetes journey…Meetings with nutritionists and specialists, as well as scheduled weekly ultrasounds and fetal heart rate monitoring. I managed well with the task at hand, keeping my blood sugars in check!
Fast forward to the week before my due date…. I was working full time, 12 hour shifts in the hospital. I was swollen, hot, and waddling everywhere but I was feeling this miracle move inside me every day! The big day was near!! I was scheduled for an induction and foley bulb the night before my due date. I was anxious about the unknown and about all the horror stories I was insanely researching! I was down to my last ultrasound and heart rate monitoring session. It was almost here….
As luck would have it, that evening, after my appointments and dinner, my water broke! Contractions started within thirty minutes and things were moving right along. After five hours of laboring at home, I was asked to come in to be checked on progress. I was 4cm dilated and 90% effaced. Things were progressing and my midwife decided it was best to stay at the hospital. My labor was well underway.
Approximately 17 hours had passed. After multiple checks, medications given, pacing the floors and intense breathing, my cervix was stuck at 6-7cm. I wasn’t trying for sainthood, and with tears in my eyes, I opted for an epidural. I was exhausted. Epidural placed, I finally got some rest. After another seven hours, a swollen cervix stuck at 7cm, a fever spike of 102.7, and more tears, we discuss and decide a cesarean section is necessary. This wasn’t an easy decision considering I was hoping for a natural delivery! However, with the spike in temperature and constant dipping of baby’s heart rate, it was important for me and baby to be safe.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
After two hours, I headed to the OR. As they laid me on the table, and the anesthesiologist checked my epidural to give me medicine, it was found out that my epidural was partially out and another had to be placed. At this point, I was bawling my eyes out. What else?! New epidural placed, and medications given to numb my body was underway. Almost there right? Nope. I couldn’t get numb! An hour later, and enough medicine to put a horse down, the “opening” commences. After almost 30hrs of labor, on September 11, 2015 at 2254, I heard the most amazing sound in the entire world! Hudson had entered the world at a whopping 8lb 13oz!
I enter the recovery room anxious to hold my son. Within 20 minutes, he is in my arms and latching to feed. It was a smooth latch without any pain. My nurse was amazing and my worries about latching and breastfeeding after a c section were easing. We nursed throughout the night and continued throughout our stay in the hospital. That bond….That amazing, unbreakable bond, was truly euphoric. It was like nothing I could explain. My milk came in before we left the hospital and with only a few hiccups with holds and latches, we seemed to be learning together at a good pace. Now, time to head home!
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
My first two days home were exhausting and full of tears!! The baby was crying more than he did at the hospital, I had 4 floors to navigate post c section, I couldn’t get comfortable in my bed, and our latch and feeding, wasn’t going as planned! I called all my friends who breastfed or where still breastfeeding. I called two lactation lines. My mom hadn’t breastfed so she couldn’t help! I had people saying “you may just have to give formula’. What?! I wasn’t even a week postpartum, and people were already telling me to give up! Lactation lines didn’t pick up, so I had to wait! More tears and more calls. I was so tired. I was in pain. I was pacing the floors in huge netted, hospital issued underwear and a nursing top covered in milk. The only position that seemed to work, thanks to my already big and now engorged breasts, was a football hold. I had a hard time using a boppy in that hold and my back was hurting from holding this nine pound baby ALL day while holding my breasts up enough for him to breathe while nursing! Where were those amazing nurses who helped him latch instantly? Where was that bed and all its pillows that inclined and reclined when I need it to? Where was that bathroom that was 15feet away? Two sore nipples, tons of lanolin, tears, and finally a call from an amazing lactation consultant, we were ready to regroup and try again. I was reassured that this was new for me AND him. That it’s a 50/50 experience. She told me it was ok to put the crying baby down and breathe. It was ok to be stressed and nervous. But she also reassured me that I could do this and that my baby needed this gift! Between my friends, other breastfeeding mommy’s, and the consultant, I stopped crying and was ready to try again. I’m glad I tried again. I’m glad WE figured things out! My nipples eventually stopped being sore and my engorgement went away. We were feeding a bit easier and I even started pumping after a month.
Now… venturing out into the world… that I was very nervous about! I started taking my boppy everywhere for ease and comfort for me. I initially nursed in public with a cover, but that quickly stopped because it was more distracting and hot for me and the baby. I learned how to dress to make it easy for breastfeeding; I now lived in nursing tanks and flowy tops. Things were going great now! Except one thing…… My baby refused bottles! I tried every bottle and every nipple it seemed. Nothing worked! I was starting back to college and was anxious about how he would eat! We tried everything! I was pumping and everyone who would be watching him, was trying to bottle feed. He wasn’t having any parts of it! He would hold out for hours for me to come home. I decided that if that was the only issue from here on out, that was ok with me, I could deal!
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
I became realistic about breastfeeding. I knew there would be cluster feedings, growth spurts and night feedings. I knew he wouldn’t sleep through the night without feeding and I was okay with that. It was bonding time and I loved that. We decided cosleeping was best and easiest for mom and baby. I actually slept and the baby never fully woke up to eat. He dream fed. He slept 11-12 hours starting at 3months with feedings throughout the night. But these feedings were easy. He did all the work. He would scoot close and latch. He wouldn’t even open his eyes. No crying to tell me he was hungry. No fight to get him back to sleep. He would sometimes fall asleep while still latched. Nursing lengths were anywhere from 10 seconds to 10 minutes. He was well rested and honestly, I was pretty rested myself. That was important for me.
I was so happy with sticking it out and making this decision. The bond was truly amazing and unbreakable. No bottles to clean (except when trying to bottle feed and that not working), no bottles or cans to carry around with me. Never a moment of worry about his weight or growing. He never got sick and was never constipated. I knew my milk was magical. I knew it had antibodies and met his special needs.. And let’s be honest, it helped me to lose weight!
We are almost 11 months in. I decided it would be his primary nutrition for at least the first year and I would let him wean when he was ready. We didn’t start introducing solids until 7-7.5 months. It was fun and I knew it was primarily learning experiences for him. We were never pressured by our pediatrician to change anything or do anything we didn’t want. That was huge! He had his first two teeth at 4 months old and has eight teeth now. I think I’ve only been “bit” twice, and once was during his sleep. Teeth doesn’t mean the journey is over!
I hope this little novel helps someone or touches another mommy. I hope breastfeeding becomes more normalized and accepted by society. It’s not crude or sexual. I understand not every mom can breastfeed or chooses not to. Every mom has that right. I just want all moms to be supported and find support no matter how they try and feed their little ones. I’m glad breast feeding is and was a part of our journey and I hope other mommy’s get to experience this amazing gift. I went from being the woman not interested in breastfeeding, to being a huge advocate for it. I’ve introduced breastfeeding to other friends and family that may have never been exposed to it or had skewed perceptions of it. I’ve donated milk and offered to other moms in need. I’ve made it almost a year breastfeeding and am happy I can continue to provide for my son and be motivation for other mommy’s to continue their breastfeeding journeys!!" ~Shaney
Please help spread Breastfeeding awareness and share this post. Check back tomorrow to see more pictures and read all about another Mama’s Journey through breastfeeding.